Good VS Evil

It's November now, most people will be facing their crucial exams soon, after that a long holiday await them. I won't be having this, so why bother thinking about it. Anyway, there is a new thought  pondering in my head: What is Good? What is Evil?. Now, I'm going to share some of my thoughts.

In my thinking, I'd say an action, or a doing cannot be decided whether it is good or bad. It's the intention, the thoughts that matters. I think in our life, a lot of things have been overlooked in the point of religion. I'm not saying religion is careless, it's just sometimes a lot of things should be considered before a conclusion can be made. I think, a sin, is not a sin unless the intention is bad.

I'll say an example. Killing people, if I'm not mistaken is consider a sin right? If a normal person, went on and killed other person, automatically people rate him as "bad, insane, horrible, a sin". Normally, people would say he'd go to hell, not deserve being a human, etc. Eventually, he will 'pay' for what he had done like stay in prison, death sentence, etc. BUT, if the similar situation happen to a police or a law enforcer, the outcome will be TOTALLY different. For example, if a police faced a robber, and that robber threatened to murder the hostages. In this situation, if that police managed to shoot the robber, and killed him in process, automatically that police will be rated as "saviour, professional, done a good deed". Eventually, he will get honoured for KILLING that robber. So does that mean that robber 'deserve' to die? In that sense, killing people is not a sin? Come on people, it's still KILLING people!

I'll give another example. Lie, fraud is consider a sin. So, lying under any circumstance is also a sin. Correct me if I'm wrong. If that is the case, I believe none of mortal here is sinless. (this is what I believe, if you who read this is Truly haven't done ANYTHING wrong in your entire life, then I apologise). If I'm not mistaken, all people who have done wrong, or sinned will be banned to Hell. I believe non of us here will be going to heaven, as heaven is exclusively for those who never done anything wrong. Back to lying, what I think is if you never lied in your life, I don't believe that you can survive until now.

Eg, if you are a doctor, and your patient is going to die in 2 months due to cancer, how do you intend to tell him/her? Will you say: "I'm sorry to say but you are going to die in 2 months." or "have faith, you have the chance to become better". If you choose the first statement, good for you. You did a good job. If you choose the 2nd statement, you just lied to him/her. You can argue that you did not lie by saying that you just didn't told him that he would die soon. In that way, you can continue cheating yourself.

All I can say is Good or Evil, is not based on the act, but it's based on the intention of doing it. Actually you should say based on how people judge it. Some religions may have other explanation or believes, but what I understand now is this. No offence to any party.

A New Chapter

Finally, I was popped back into the real world. For the past whole year, I have been feeling miserable about myself. I was thinking: " Why the heck am I so unlucky?" "why can't things just go according to plan?". Now, for one reason, I was kicked back into the reality. It actually feels good to got that kick. I understand finally that is just a little part of life. That kick let me think of a lot of things. A lot of time I have wasted just thinking of unhelpful things. But it's not too late to now. Looking forward is the best option I have now. 

Thinking back I feels kinda stupid, but it's worth it. Though bitterness is still there, but getting the clearer horizon of life is the better part of it. Another lesson learnt today. But I cant help but wonder: when will my time come? When will she appear into my life? Haha... For now, I won't think of this question. I'll just let this to fate. Even though I like to plan my life, but I know that some things are not controlled by myself. So, let it be~~~

I hope that I can have a peek into the future. But it will spoilt the fun. It's kinda exciting awaiting what's coming to you next! Haha... So, I'll just say to the world: Bring it on!!! Oh yeah~

Raya Break 2010

So, here comes my new blog update. The whole week, is really fun. Meet up with the old friends, chat along, saying goodbyes, wishing good lucks. It seems like after this holiday, a lot of my friends are leaving this country. JPA scholars, Singapore offers, KPM scholars, etc... I wonder how long it takes for us to meet up again in this homeland. Life is like sitting in a train. For a time, you are sitting with people around you. When the next station comes, new people comes in and some others gone out. It's been keep on changing, until the final destination is reached..

It's been a wonderful week back here. Still feels the old friends are closer. Maybe in University everything is different. It's the stage where everyone is stepping into adulthood, different social stages perhaps.

Anyway, hereby I wana wish all my friends who are going for further studies, have a safe journey and all the best out there. Just give me a call or a message if you need anything. Or just drop by just say hello. Bon Voyage my friends.

A Break After The Mental Torture.

Well, one week is gone since the day I came back from the post-block(CNS) holiday. It's not quite a real holiday actually, just most of us took it for granted. We were suppose to discuss about our research during that week, as the name of the week implies: "Research Week". But you see, UNIMAS Medical Programme is not famous for it's holidays, so if you find one week, that there are no core lectures to attend, left with just English and Malay classes (who gives a damn about it anyway), a sane person sure go for a holiday or just go home. I planned to go for vacation during that week, just some unforeseen events occurred, so that plan changed from a vacation to a trip back home.

Nothing worth noting on my way back. Once I reach home, I feels like: "Ah... It's good to be back." Moreover, there is a new member added recently into our family ~~ Kobi. Don't worry, I'm not having a new baby brother. Kobi is the little dog that my mom took him back a month ago. Kobi never seen me before. When I reach home, she didn't bark at me. What surprises me is, she walks to me and wriggle it's tail!! Plus, she licks my finger!!! Haha... So, Kobi and I have literally no problem getting to know each other. She's a naughty dog. My mom gave her a small doll, which she likes to bite and shake her head with it. The whole week I spent my time with Kobi, she entertains me a lot. Too bad I can't take her together with me on the plane...

That's one. Following that I went to UKM to catch up with my friend, Paul. Coming back at last week it not a good timing. While everyone is preparing for studies, mid-term, assignments, I'm the only one who can swings my leg and do nothing. So, I decided to kacau my friend in UKM. The UKM trip is a pleasant one. Saw a lot of old friends, know a few more new friends. I believe walking around is much much better than sitting and just study. Studies are dead, humans are alive, live life to the fullest!!! It's a great pleasure during the trip. Since I'm staying in Paul's hostel, I can meet with my friends in health science courses. Went to some of their lectures too. Even though at UKM, I'm in a different environment, with strangers all around, I still managed to sleep in the lectures. Muahaha... Luckily their lectures didn't discover me. Or else... I don't care anyway. They don;t have my record, I can just run out from the lecture. They wont see me again. Hahaha...

Finally, what worth noting is of course, hometown and home-cooked food. I really missed them a lot. I think everyone are the same. Somehow, even though the food where you were born is neither as expensive nor tastier than other places, you just love to eat back at your hometown.

Time flies whenever you are happy. So, a week later, back to this place. It starts all over. Again. Really looking forward fot the next holiday. Haha...

So Real

I just had the realest dream of my life. Everything that happen, it seemed so real, so solid. this is the first time I had this kind of dream.

It was a normal evening, where I was jogging in a garden. When I jogged to a gym like stadium, I entered. It was a normal gymnastic stadium, very spacious, very wide, but the ceiling is a bit low. When I entered, there is an old man, with a young little girl, a baby girl. They are playing in a trampoline. Both of them were playing very happily, with the little baby girl bouncing up and down on the trampoline. Everything seems so calm and joyful.

Then suddenly, the baby girl started to bounce higher and higher. At that time, I was standing a few meters away from them, watching them play with a smile on my face. It happen so fast, the baby girl all of  sudden was bounced high up in the air. Before I realise what was happening, the baby girl drop down, and once again bounced back to the air. But this time, the angle is wrong, and it was too high, she hit the ceiling of the stadium, and falling down at an alarming speed towards the solid cemented floor. Without second thought I sped towards her. When the baby girl nearly hits the ground, I flung myself towards her, hoping to catch her before she hits the ground. I was too late, the baby girl was just an inch away, so close to my finger tips, but I missed her. With a loud thud, she hit the floor, I only manage to catch her when she rebound from the floor, but everything is too late.

At first, she seems okay. Then, she started to cry. I hold her up with both of my hands, I can feel that her head is swelling from behind, very warm from touch. Immediately, I ran towards the door, and ran towards the direction of the hospital. I saw the hospital is not far from the place I am, so I just ran and ran. The hospital seems to be further than I expected. With all my might, I speed towards the hospital, before I reach the hospital, my legs started to give away. I can feel my leg wobbling, as though my leg had turned into jelly. But I continue to ran, I don't care if there is any car on the road. All I know is to reach the hospital in the shortest time possible. Finally I reached the hospital. I take a look at the baby once more, I saw her face is smiling at me, her smile so radiating, like a sunshine, the sunshine that shine through me, it's like coursing for me the energy to move on. Along the way to the emergency department, the people seems to come from no where, I pushed and shoved, half running all the way, in the meantime shouting for a doctor. It seems like an eternity finding a doctor.

When I finally found  doctor, I look at the baby, but everything was too late. Her radiating smile on her face has faded away, her body turned icy cold. My hands were shaking, I felt like the world has just crushed on me, I dropped kneeling on the ground. Tears uncontrollably streamed across my cheeks, I screamed at the doctor to save her, but he just shake his head and doing nothing, telling me it's over.

I cuddled her on my chest, I screamed. I screamed for the pain, the anger, the despair that I felt in my heart. I feels like a thousand knife just sliced through my heart, the pain was just unbearable. I knew that I went mad next. The memory is blur, but I manage to catch some picture of the scene. I remember someone was pulling me, and another guy gently took the baby away. I was like a man who just lost everything, the kind of helplessness that  no man can bear. I was sent to a room, in there, I screamed out loud, I punched the bed, I dropped to the ground like a pile of sheet, I cant move my body. As I sucked in a deep breath, I woke up. I found that I was crying. This is the first time a dream can be so real, so solid, like I just went through it myself.

I sat on my bed for a few minutes, and I'm happy that it's just a dream. So I just switched on my laptop, and write the whole story down, before I forget about it. It's the dream I never had before, so real and solid.

One Down, Four To Go.

Time wait for no man. Everyday, everything is on the move, nothing will stop or even pause when you idle around. Watching time pass by, sometimes you dread the coming day, sometimes you can't help but hope that the day will be longer, nevertheless, it will still come. By the time it's over, when you recall back, one down, more to go.

Two days ago, when I tuned up to the radio, I listened to the memoir of Micheal Jackson. It's been a year then, Micheal Jackson went to the other realm. It seems like a blink to all that happened the whole year before. As though I was sitting in a car, the view just passed by the window in a flash. I went through the high, the low and I felt that I grown up a little more. Already entering the second decade of my life, I can feel that things changes along the way. Just a few weeks before, I received a news that my friend is getting married. It's like... Wow... I only realise that we are that age already. Either way, I still feels like it's not yet the time for me to do this. Come on, I cant even support myself, how am i suppose to take care of my other half? Moreover if a little guy is born? Whoa... All hell break lose... 

It has been 3 weeks since I came back to the land of Hornbills. During the one week holiday before, it's the best week I had in a long time. All my friends, family I missed. I had a great time hanging out with them. Before the holiday, I have a crazy idea that I want to study during the holiday. By the time I reach my house, I think: "To hell the books. I won't give a damn about it." As a result, the only book I took back, stayed in the bag the whole week, no chance to see the light. Ha! 

Frankly, high school friends are still the best friend around. Even though it's a long time we haven't meet each other, by the time we met, we were like back to the good old days. Everyone walks a different path now... Within 2 months, all of us will be separated all over the world. JPA scholars will be flying overseas, while the others are distributed throughout the universities in the country. I think meeting once a year would not be easy any more. Anyway, I wish everyone good luck in whatever path you have chosen. I hope that our friendship will last till the day we go into the void. Bon voyage to my friends who are going overseas. 

I'm grateful that I finish my first year without much problem in studies, but the real challenge only starts now. I really hope that I can endure all this and went through it smoothly. I guess I'll just need to strive hard, much harder I think. God bless me~

Summary of 2009/2010.

It's been a time since i've updated my blog. But anyway, a lot of things have gone throughout these two months.

Should I say time flies? Because i really don't feel the time really hangs around. Everyday, the time is just packed up like sardins in the can. Morning wake up, lecture, revise, facebook, until the time when i'm exhausted, sleep. More or less, my day just passed like that. U can say that is dull, dry, boring, whatever. I just felt nothing. Maybe I've adapted to this kinda lifestyle. It's kinda hard not to adapt actually. I'm here, oversea(really over the sea), alone, single and available, stay in a single room, with two little black ants constantly accompanying me(I love u guys!). If I don't accept the fact, how am I suppose to move on?

Let me take a step backwards, and look at my past one year all over again. I'll try to summarize them.

Let me see, of course first thing i came here of course is trying to adapt myself. Even though Sarawak is still the same country and Homo Sapiens all over the place, things, people, events, culture, this and that are... You can say that is different, yet not so different. Of course chinese still eat pork here, just the way of communicating and socialising is different. It's hard you know. New people, new attitude, new kind of judgement, new kinda mentality... But I found it cool, and interesting.

There's one incident, which is not very pleasant, but i learnt a lot of things from there. Yeah, I admit that i'm a bit of an arrogant guy. One year before, this is what I think: I've good grades, got into medical school, sports not bad, good looking(don't envy please), sociable, leadership, blah blah blah... Come on! Let's face it, a lot of the people here have those criteria I have. Anyway, back to the incident, full story please refer to the post titled: Roller Coaster of Life. I meet different kind of people, who have their own thoughts and ideas, for me kinda never encounter before. It's a bit of a mental shock. But I learnt that people can go to great lengths when they don't want something that they don't like to happen. Kinda shocked. But anyway, I hope things can smooth out. My opinion is just eyes should be opened wider, to see a clearer picture, conversation is to be build, to learn that person better. That's all.

That's one part. Next part i'm going to talk about is erm... Human-to-human communication. I think universities should set up a course on this subject. Every human, is different. Most can be strangers, some can be friends, some can be enemies, few can be into relationships, only a handful can be truthful. Universities, everyone is a grown-up(even though still below 21, but who cares...). Have their own thoughts, own mentality, own stand, and own philosophy. First day when you talk to them, you get along well. But soon enough, they can see you as total strangers. What I can say is, even though we meet everyday, maybe talk a lot of times, have lunch together..... but you still not sure whether u call him a friend? Colleague? Partner? Enemy? Stranger? It's just cant fall into neither of these categories.

In schooling time, moral textbooks said a lot of teachings such as treat people truthful, honest, kind hearted... Well, that can remain as textbook lessons. Practically, in University, if you apply all those moral values, I'm not sure how long you can stand, if you can survive over it. Hello~ wake up! You are not in school anymore, university is the last step before you enter into the real world. So, I suggest start using your brain to interpret everything you face in university. Don't just simply give your heart away, as you may not take it back... 


Ok. Next, is the "colourful" life of a medical student. It's colourful you know. All the anatomy diagrams, biochemistry flow, all come with colours in reference books(please don't count photostat books, black and white is not colour). They are our friends. Saying more hello to them than to a Homo Sapien. One thing I enjoy among those studies are just anatomy. Kinda easy for me to remember those muscles, nerves, bones. E.g.: I may have Carpal Tunnel Syndrone due to prolonged compression of my Median Nerve while I was typing this blog. Other than that, another thing I rather enjoy is the night life i've went so far. Haha... A great way to de-stress when the remixed music pound into the ears to the brain.

Alright, seems like I've written quite a long page. So as for the summary, everyone's life is difficult, it just depends on how that person want to life their life. I am who I am, I can tell you I dun like bowing to brute force. People with reasons I always accept. What I have to say to the world is: "Bring it on!"