Thursday, December 17, 2009

HONTO NI GOMEN NASAI URESHITE KUDASAI (Really, I'm sorry)

The day has finally arrived. The time has come, for the testament to be read. My mind has been racing on for the whole day. But one thing now I know for sure is: it's over.

I know, i have done things, rude things that made them dislike me. I realise, that the source of this ending is coming from me myself. For too long, I'm ignorant, arrogant, and in denial. Humans, are one strange kind of mammal. You will not truly realise, after the consequence is right in front of you. I knew that it's not a good thing to express freely through words. But still, I have done it. The skill of perseverance and humble, are the skill I still need to hone. Words, is more powerful than any weapon on earth. A knife or a bullet, can only harm your very flesh. Words, on the other hand, can not only harm your soul, it can harm anyone around you, including yourself. For now, I know I'm not the best guy to be with.

I wish I have not written those things I wrote. But, what done is done. The damage is done. Nothing can reverse and undone it. People, especially the one I cared the most, and her people surrounds her have been hurt by my words. I will bear the consequences that I have caused. What goes around comes around. All I want to do, is to apologise for my rudeness.

To whom that it may concern: I'm sorry.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Roller Coaster of Life 3 - Mask

19 years, 9 months and 16 days, The Dark Knight have lived. Almost going to reach the second decade of life. For so long, The Dark Knight have been to so many places, so many occasion, and seen so much people. Different kind of people.. Everyday, the moment I step out into the street, I can see so many unfamiliar faces pass by. Faces I do not recognise, faces that maybe I only see once in my lifetime, or faces that I will look at for many parts of my life. But still, these faces are all masks. Everyone will present their disguised face, with their own designed mask, the moment they come in contact with human being. Some would say that they are sincere, they present who they are, unfortunately, no matter how you say it, there will be some part that you will only keep to yourself. This a fact. Nothing can change it.

As for me, I admit that I have my own designed mask. Everyday, the moment I open my door, I have already wore on a mask, which everyone will see, or accurately, the mask that most people would like to see. Many people say that we must be honest, we must be true to yourself, so not lie to people. Lying is wrong. But, whoever said this, aren't they wearing a mask? Are they definitely sure that they stripped away all their mask, all their disguise, all their denials? I guess no. Living in this world, it's not about how sincere you are, it's not about how true you are, it's all about how you present yourself. I guess many would disagree with me. The mask on their faces, already wore too long, too often. Long enough that you think that you are what you disguising. People lost their own identity, to the cruelty of this world.

Flying across the sea, landed on a brand new place, it's a brand new adventure for the Dark knight. The Dark knight is entering into another chapter of life, a chapter where the warm hands of parents will seldom be felt, a chapter where The Dark Knight himself will have to face on his own. Entering into this chapter, Dark knight have gone through a lot of things, and seen a lot of faces. The face of backstabbers, the face of dictators, the face of power claws. Unfortunately, these are the faces that control most part of the world. These are the faces that make other lives difficult, while making their own better. Darkness surrounds the hearts of people. However, from the overwhelming darkness, there are a glimpse of light. These light, are lighted by the faces of friend, the face of concern and the face of love. Many people, too engrossed in their own darkness, and they will never see the light.

I will not angry with these people, cause they are too pity for themselves. Living a life, where darkness is all they see, there is no point in angry with them. Anger, rush, and hatred will not make them discover the light, another way round, it will only fuel their darkness. One thing i do not understand is, some people are just too shrouded by their own perceptions, where they will never ever see things from other's point of view. Giving presents, for someone's birthday, is just a normal thing to do. I can't figure out why, someone take it as a threat, as a hatred. What's wrong with giving present to a person celebrating her birthday? Anyway, i pity those with such narrow minded person. I hope something enable them to see things with wider prospective.

Mask, is the face of people. That's what I see from this world. I have my own perspective of live, I have my own life to live, and I have my own mask. Like it or not, I am what I wanna be. To those who would like to interfere with my life, there is one word for you, "pathetic". Have a pleasant Christmas and a happy new year!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Paper and Dot

Once, I've seen an article that made me interested.
One day, one person took out a piece of white paper, and draw a small dot on the paper. Then, he took the paper to the street.
He asked a young man: "What have you seen?"
The young man replied: "a small dot on the paper."

Then, he asked another man: "What have you seen?"
The man replied: "a small dot on the paper."

Another lady walked by, so he asked: "What have you seen?"
Again, the lady gave the same answer: "a small dot on the paper"

He continue to ask and ask, but all of the people he asked, he get the same answer over and over again.
Finally, he came across a cute little boy, around age of 3. He asked: "What have you seen, cute little guy?"
The little boy replied: "Paper.."

Of all the adolescence and adults he asked, EVERY one of them noticed the small dot. But, when it comes to a pure mind of a child, a piece of paper is what he saw.

This article made me think of a lot of things.. Why has everyone notice the tiny little dot, while neglecting the whole piece of paper? Why has everyone focus on the dark mark, while ignoring the whole piece of white places?
When I think it with life, I realised, that is the reality. No matter how good you are, people will just notice the bad part of you. Good deeds that you have done, will get the applause for that moment, or just ignored by people. After that, that memory just fade in people's mind. BUT, all the bad deeds that you have done, no matter how small it is, people will notice it immediately. People just tend to focus on small matters, and neglected the whole big picture. Some people will just obsessed into some small matters, and got blinded on what happen around them.
Rumours, scandal, cheating, breaking the law. These are the news that interest most people. I think these news is what makes newspapers as best selling reading materials on earth. How irony it is, people actually LIKE to watch people make mistake, watch tragedies. "September, 11th." Almost everyone i know buy themselves a copy of newspaper. "Donation for salvation army" I bet most people will neglect this article.

Actually, I realised that when I faced a problem, before that I just have one aim : solve it. It was really stress, if I cant solve it, whole day just no mood at all. Now, when problem suffice, I'll take a step back, and look at the problem, I mean the big picture. I found alternatives, that can solve the problem, the road not taken. That's what I learnt. I just hope that people will take a pit stop, think from others point of view, only then get on with the problem.

What you see is not equal to what happened. 

The road not taken is not the wrong road taken.

~~Peace to the world~~

Friday, October 30, 2009

Roller Coaster of Life 2 - At Mind's End

Night, has never seem so silent. Lying down on the bed, The Dark knight felt the emptyness surging around him. Rain, was spilling down from the dark sky, washing away everything around the Dark knight... Leaving behind the emptyness, and loneliness.. Staring away into the darkness, memories started flooding back into his mind. Every scene of life he faced recently, flashed across his eyes...

Slowly, the memories drifted back to the day when The Dark Knight turned his back to the princess... Though the scar is still there, the pain is long gone. Life after the break up is just back to normal. Everyday, both the Dark knight and the princess went to the same institute in search of knowledge. Seeing each other everyday, while knowing that both of us can't be together is a pain that the Dark knight bear everytime he sees her. Either way, life must go on. We can't always live is our own memories, while neglecting what's around us all the time. In the time being, the career is still the main priority. Graduating from the institute is what the Dark knight aim for the moment he entered the institute. And he will allow nothing to step between him and his goal.

But, human is still a human. Feelings is what makes us a human. Those living without any feelings, is better off become a corpse. No life at all. Even though we can't be couples, but the Dark knight hope that friendship can still exist between him and the princess. Sometimes, the Dark knight will find her to have a small chat, just a small chat between two good friends. While the dark knight and the princess are chatting, the Dark knight hoped that time can just pause a little longer, so that he can have a little more time to be with her. But in the heart of Dark knight, he knew that anything more than a friendship will bring him and the princess more harm than good. But soon, the Dark knight realised that even a small chat, can bring them a lot of harm. He was shocked, that someone is willing to do anything to stop him from contact with the princess. The Dark knight just couldn't understand, living in this modern era, what is the harm that two person talking with each other? Why should a life be so restricted? And the main things is, what has the Dark knight done, that made some party so dislike him? These are the questions that pondered the Dark knight until today.

All the time, the Dark knight is thinking what he has done that make "them" so unhappy. I'm not doing any crime, I'm not involving in any harmful activities, I am also a medical student, results is almost the same with the white knight, most important of all, I did not harm the princess. I just couldn't think of what reason that make that party so dislike me. Sometimes alone, I asked that guy above that everybody worshiped :"How am I supposed to do?", "Can somebody just tell me of my wrong doings?". But, no luck so far.

There are somethings I would like to say though. Like it or not, both of us are going to face each other for at least 5 years. You can't aspect we just walk away and think that nothing has happened. Doing things the ruthless way will not solve the problem. Sometimes we should stand in others prospective to look at the problem. Most important of all, the WHOLE thing is NO BIG DEAL. Relationship is just a small part of life. I wish that some party please do not magnify the problems. For now, studies is the most important thing for the Dark knight and the princess. The Dark knight do not hope that unpleasant things to occur, things that everyone will regret once it's done.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Life...

Life, is short.
But life can be long also.
By living your life happily.
I believe life is just the way I live it.
Usually, I do not believe in fate.

Why have I said this?
Fortune teller tell your destiny,
by looking at the readings from your palm.
He can say, what he saw in my future.
But, once i hold my hand into a fist,
I realize that fate can be controlled in my own hands.
It is within my own will and action,
that determine my life.
What I believe is, I can create my own life.
By doing the things I like,
By crafting my own career,
By sharing my life with the women I love.

Unfortunately,
I'm not living a life that I plan it will be.
I'm always doing things I like,
I'm crafting my own future,
But, I'm not sharing my life with the one I love.
Before that, what I thought is I can have the life I planned.
but not everything will go according to plans.
There are always obstacles to lag your goal.
Either way, I still believe if I passed this obstacles,
with preservation,
with dignity,
with hardship,
and with my will,
I can continue with the life I want.
Be the Knight, and save the princess.
Anyway, things just won't go the way we want.

Sometimes, I think
is it really fated that my life should not be going like this?
or is it the necessary obstacle I must pass to achieve my goal?
Now, I'm confused.
Should I succumb to pressure?
Or should I hold with my principle till the end?

Just now, when I filled my hands with water,
I realise that water still can flow out through the lines between the fingers.
All of a sudden, I know.
I know that I can control most part of my life,
but there are still things I cant control.
There are still things that can leak out from my plan.
I realise I'm not God.
I am just a human.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Roller Coaster of Life

Once upon a time, in a kingdom of far far away, there live 2 mighty knights. The white knight, and the dark knight. Both of them crafted their own destiny, with their own hands and legs. The white knight, is known to be noble, and humble in nature. In contrast, the dark knight is known for his ruthlessness, and coldness of heart. Both can be said as the contrast of each other. But, fate had casted them to share the same ambition, same path to seek for glory, and the same women to be loved.

In the month of June, both the white knight and the dark knight went to their destined place-The Land Of Hornbills to seek for their glory. The Dark knight reached the land first, watching the vast piece of land from the airship, he said "This will be the place for me to expand my ambition, the dream that i have dream for so long." After touching down from the airship, the Dark knight spent a night at the town, and headed to the barrack-Unimas the next day. The Dark knight. Passed through the recruitment post without problem, and settled down. Meanwhile, the white knight is arriving a day later, carrying with him the same hope and ambition. On the third day, the Dark knight and the white knight finally met each other. Since both of them carries the same dream, both immediately became friends. They also discovered that they came from the same town, and the same training ground, just different batches. On that day, the promised to fight along side of each other, and achieve their goals together.

On the first week, due to the aggressiveness of the Dark knight, he was chosen to represent the house to fight for glory in the Colosseum(MAP). In the mean time, there was a princess who was chosen too for this agenda. In order to secure the winning, all representatives must train together and work together. On one training, the Dark knight finished his part, and rest aside to watch the other. At that time, his eyes fell upon the princess, who cut through his heart with her mesmerizing dance.. Little that he knew that this will bring to his own fall later on. A fall that he will never ever recover from.

The first week went by, without taking any action. The 2nd week, fate had put them together again, this time in the same group. The Dark knight felt a sense of hope, "will she be the one that fills my heart? Is she the one that i will be destined to be with?". Either way, the Dark knight would like to focus on his goal, and to make sure she is the one, before he take any further action.
After the 2nd week, everybody entered into the fighting mode. All the task and challenge were given, to train them to be the person they want. At this time, the white knight also fell for the princess. The white knight always approach her, hoping to get her attention. While the Dark knight, always watch her from a far, hoping to be with her.

Finally, the Dark knight felt that the time has come. He will not wait any longer for the chance to slip away. So, he made his move. The Dark knight approached her secretly, hoping not to get any unwanted attention. The princess was shocked at first. But as time goes by, the Dark knight get along very well with the princess. He can talk, and share the joys of life with her like nothing he had experienced before. Finally, they fall for each other. Unfortunately, beautiful things wont last long, and almost all the time, it can just gone in a blink of eye.

The day after the Dark knight asked for the hand of the princess, the White knight also made his move. He made the announcement to everyone that he will officially ask for the favor of the princess. At that time, almost everyone wished good luck for the White knight. Meanwhile, the Dark knight felt a sudden rock fell onto his heart. "Why...Must fate be like this?"" he asked himself.

The princess faced a very hard decision. Everyone, especially the Queen and the King and the sister agreed to choose the white knight, as he seemed to be humble and polite. The Dark knight, knowing that everyone will treat him as the outsider, the wrecker of relationship he asked for the princess to hold on to the decision, let time show who shall she choose. Unfortunately, the Queen insisted that the princess to break the bond with the Dark knight. On one fine monday, the princess caved in, and asked for the break up with the Dark knight, at a secret rendezvous.

The Dark knight, from the moment he received the news, his world turned totally upside down. The One he had finally found, has made the decision to follow others blessing and go for the white knight. The break was an excruciating break. Both the Dark knight and the princess, knowing that both love each other, had to be separated. That day, was the darkest day for the Dark knight. The breaking of this bond had brought him pain, hurt and sorrow. The pain, is the pain that he had never felt before. It was like bleeding from the inside, with no help at all to stop the bleeding. That night, the princess also rejected the white knight.

Knowing this, the Dark knight felt hope was coming back. He asked again for the hands of the princess, and the princess agreed. Both the Dark knight and the princess lived a happy life for a few days. Just a short few days.

Soon, the news of the Dark knight and the princess reached the ears of the Queen. The queen was furious, and ordered the princess to end this immediately. Everyday, the Queen tormented her, but she refuse to do so. Finally, the steel claw of the Queen aimed for the Dark knight. On one night, where the rain was falling from the sky, the Queen ordered a meeting with the Dark knight. The Dark knight was hoping to convince the Queen to accept him. Little did he knew that, the Queen had already made the decision.

The meeting was held at a drink station, not far from the Dark knight's house. A carriage was prepared, and the Queen together with the King, came to meet the Dark knight. Straight to the point, the Queen asked the Dark knight to give up, and let the princess go. The Dark knight was shocked. He thought he was here to discuss, not to be ordered. So, the Dark Knight tried to ask for mercy from the Queen. What coming next was not expected from the Dark knight. Words, filled with thousands of knife were thrown at the Dark knight. Those words was like sharp knives, each penetrating deeper and deeper into his heart. The Dark knight was at the mercy of the Queen. There was nothing the Dark knight can do. All he can is just tied up, and crucified by the Queen. Upon achieving what she wanted, the Queen sent the battered Dark knight back home. At that moment, the heart of the Dark knight was shattered into hundreds of pieces, together with the love for the princess. Without the blessing from the Queen, the love between him and the princess is over.

The next day, the Dark knight meet with the princess, at the rendezvous they met last time. This time, the Dark knight did not feel much pain, as the heart already shattered. The pain turned into a numb. This break ended quite smoothly, and the decision is made. We both know that, we will not get the blessing from the others, and the road we faced together will be a hard, painful road. This break, can also be said as the freedom from pain. If we stayed together, the pain will be more deep.

Now, both the Dark knight and the princess faced each other everyday, while separated by the harshness of life. This will be a pain, that scarred both of our heart. In his heart of hearts, the Dark knight prayed that the princess will find her own happiness, where no restriction, and no boundaries was set...

...The End...

Friday, September 25, 2009

Medical Life..

It's been a long time since I have written any blog... Life is just so hectic, that i didn't notice time passed by around me..

Currently, I'm studying in UNIMAS, for those who doesn't know, UNIMAS means University Malaysia Sarawak... I mean SARAWAK... Aiz... Too many people ask the same question over and over again... "How's your life in Sabah?", "You are studying in? Sabah?". Blah, blah, blah.... Why doesn't everyone know about UNIMAS? Either way, before i went into this university, I have TOTALLY no idea about this University. Back to the day, when the UPU result came out, the first thing i saw is "Doktor Perubatan(HMOO)". Inside of me i just think, YEAh i got medicine!!! But when i saw the "HM", what? Hell Medical? Then i scroll down, UNIMAS....... Holy... But..but.. That is my... Let me think... 6th choise? Oh my god... All of a sudden it seems like my house is going to cave in. I didn't even think i will end up in Sarawak... I flat it, be a damn president, band 5... UM maybe, UKM most probably, UPM big chance, but UNIMAS?? Never thought of... Nevertheless, I still pack up few luggage of mine and headed to the Land of Hornbills. (Thinking: Yeah, can go to the jungle, meet up with a couple of Ibans, cool)

Before i left, not much time to have a gathering with some old friends of mine... Just had a couple of drinks with some friends, then that's it. Bye bye west malaysia, hello east malaysia, come to papa...

The first week during orientation in the main campus cruised by interestingly. Play too much in the orientation performance, got myself selected for performance during Majlis Ikrar Pelajar. The performance ended up quite well, I say better than what i have expected. I show off some chinese martial arts on the stage, and with the cooperation from the whole team, the FACULTY OF MEDICINE AND HEALTH SCIENCE got the THIRD prize!!! Haha... Looks like out effort really bears out some fruit. The following week, is our faculty orientation. This time, thanks to the "nomination" and "support" from my friends, I became the MC for buddies night. First time became the MC, and partnered with a half-Canadian, Miss Shahirah, really freaks me out. Luckily, both of us did our job well. Didn't screwed ourselves up there. Then life just fall to a flat line... The following weeks flashed by with lecture notes, books and.............facebook. Haha...

There are few highlights though, the Convocation Dinner and the English Debate.. Thanks to my buddy, Wee Mee, I became the MC again...... This time, CONVO dinner... But this time i felt more relaxed than last time, I don't know why... That night went through with some mistakes, which I would like to forget... Anyway, the most interesting part of this 2 and 1/2 months in FMHS, is the debate... Mr. Tan Shong Sheng, Mr. Aravintham, and Mr Bruce Yeong(me) are facing Ms Shahirah, Ms Rachel and Ms Rebecca... Debating on "Mothers are better than Fathers in disciplining a child"..... It turns out that.... WE win the debate!!! Haha... No offence, but i really think we earned that debate... We were well prepared, with a damn strong rebutter, Mr Aravintham, a mind twister Mr Tan and the factual man, Mr Bruce... Haha... We kicked their butt. That's all. Almost forgot, our strong supporters!!! Thanks man!!

After that, things started to get pressured up... The End Of Block Exam is charging at high speed towards us..... Life just back to lecture notes, lecture notes, books, and.........facebook. I don't quite remember the time spent on studying, it just went by with a flash.. Then the exam is over..... Freedom.... This kind of freedom i have never felt since after PSPM... Haha...

So, in conclusion, life is short. Life my life to the fullest!! =)

Monday, May 4, 2009

A Retarded Life VS A Meaningful Life

Holiday...
Is what i craved for before i finish Matric. Everyday, I hope that the time will slip by is a blink of eyes. Too bad, it never happened. Now, finally i got my holiday. Strangely, I felt myself living like a retarded person. The routine of life just goes around wake up, eat, play, watch drama, sleep. Though I go to gym 3 days a week, I still feels like I'm wasting my life for nothing. As though I'm a retarded person, waiting for death angels to take me away...

Finally, i made up my mind. It's time to prove myself to the world, that I'm still alive! I'm still able and not retarded!! So, today I found myself a job. In Bum City, Parade. I've no working experience, so I have no idea what will I face when i go to work... Anyway, life is short!! Experience anything I can and i want! Go go go!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Completed Another Challenge Of Life

It seems like, time will wait for nobody...
From the first day i entered Perak Matriculation College, i'm leaving behind a wonderful sixth form life. Is it a good decision? Or it's just another wrong turn of life? At that time I wondered. In a flick of time, I finished the studies in Matriculation. What a life i had!! Now, i still don't know whether i made the right choise or not. But, I knew i have made a good choise. There is no point of return once I've stepped on road of decision. Therefore, I have no regrets.

When I first entered matric, I thought i've made a bad choise. The main thing is, I have to face with all kinds of people I don't know about. Either way, I have some transition period and some experience in dealing with all sorts of people before, which is during National Service. At first I thought, "Oh man, I need to deal with those suckers again!". Surprisingly, thesituation in Matric is a total difference!! Those malays I met in Matric, is not the same type of lousy person I met in NS. They are at least well educated, well mannered and quite helpfull all the times. What a relieve...

Well, talk about the education there, it is quite challenging. Surprisingly challenging. Many of us thought that it's just another easy path to go. Neh... Easy job. When we really focus on the studies, it's hard man!! We are needed to finish the whole freaking syllabus in less than a year!! To be exact, 10 MONTHS only!!! Well you can imagine the life there... For me, the timetable is very simple:
1. Wake up, go to lectures and tutor classes.
2. Come back, sleep/play basketball.
3. After dinner, study then sleep through the night.
4. Repeat procedure 1, 2, and 3 the next day.

This is my life there.Dull, boring,etc,etc...Use any word to describe this as you like.

As for the climax in matric, is the study and exam week. Woh... No kidding during these weeks. Anyone who have high cholesterol, high blood pressure or related heart disease may be challenged by the god of death in these weeks. The pressure around is building freakingly high!!
I assure you, your hormone level will be imbalance during these few weeks. So, brace yourself for those who's going to enter matric. Wakaka......

Nevertheless, there is some good memories in matric...The friends i've met, the good lecturers that have enlightened me, and the beautiful scenery around the college... These memories, are priceless. The friends i've met there, thank you for being my friends all along. I'll remember the times we had together. A special thanks to my friends who celebrated my birthday with me. I really appreciate that. And most important of all, my girlfriend who always be with me through sweet and sour, thank you... One thing that i looked forward the next time i go back is the scenery. Situated away from the hussle and bussle of the cities, it is indeed a good place for studies.

I think that's all for now. I hope my PSPM 2 will pass with flying colours... Amitofo...

To all of my friends in Matrics...

Time passed by,
without us knowing it...

Even the day,
Must give way to the night...

Sooner or later,
We'll have to say goodbye...

Finally the time has come,
To spread our wings and fly...

Though we have met,
For such a short period of time...

I hope our friendship will stay,
For our generations to rhyme...

Friday, April 24, 2009

Join my Battle Station in Facebook please!!

Here's the referral link...
http://apps.facebook.com/battlestations/new.php?invite=Bruce+Yeong
Join me, it's the best facebook I game ever played.